Ugly

September 8, 2009

Today was an ugly day. Ugly because my legs are disgustingly hairy and covered in bug bites, ugly because I’m breaking out because I sweat all the time and am dirty, ugly because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, ugly because I got screwed on my test, and ugly because some stupid kids pegged me in the back with a freaking soccer ball.

The first ugly, my nasty, nasty legs can be remedied tomorrow when I get back to Thies and have some semblance of a clean shower. Hey, at least it has a real shower head (although no temperature control – it’s always cold) and someone throws some bleach in it once a day. My legs are currently, I can’t even come up with an appropriate word. They look like some pubescent boy who can’t grow a full beard, but there are splotchy patches of long hair and he looks dirty all the time. That’s me except that I am dirty all the time and there are a million bites all over me as well. AH! Hopefully I’ll also be able to get my face under control. It’s zitty and not pretty. Although I rarely look in a mirror here, it stills sucks to know I look like shit all the time.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning for no apparent reason. I did have trouble going to sleep, but at least it was fairly cool and I had Gossip Girl for company. I cannot tell you how integral The Office and Gossip Girl on my iPod have been to my mental “stability”. If you have TV dvds burn them and send them to me (if that’s too expensive burn them and give them to my mom to send to me lol)!

My first language test did not go well today. The beginning was fine. I knew all the greetings and was able to hold a semi-intelligent although 3 year old level conversation, but when it came time for the role play I got screwed. While the others’ was about your family or in the town market, mine was about calling and reserving a hotel room. Tamar and I have been suspecting that our class is moving more slowly than the others because not everyone in our group catches on as quickly, but now it’s quite obvious since I should have been able to handle this scenario and I couldn’t. I just didn’t have the vocab and my class had never practiced anything like that. While the test is just a progress marker and has no bearing on my placement or real meaning, it still really sucks to do badly especially when I feel that it was unfair. It was not what I needed. I need rainbows and unicorns right now, not feelings of failure and dread.

After the test I came home and cried in my bed, watched some Gossip Girl which made me feel better until day 5 of my prison diet was presented to me. For the past five days I have had millet balls with milk and sugar. It makes me what to kill myself just when I see my sister bring a cup over to me for lunch. A lukewarm, dairy, sugary concoction is not what I want to be eating when it’s a million degrees in Africa. It sucks and it sent me over the edge to the cyber café where I had to email Leigh for some BFF advice. Luckily, Leigh is a saint and loves email/ computer as much as I do and responded before I got back home from class tonight and quit on a whim.

Although I felt relief from emailing Leigh/ surfing Jcrew’s latest before class, I was met with some nasty little kids on my way to class. A group of boys who were mostly tweens were playing soccer and we talked for a few minutes before some of them demanded money and asked while I wasn’t fasting. I explained that I didn’t have any money because I am a PCV and that I don’t fast because I’m not Muslim, but those were not good answers for at least one of the boys and as I walked away pegged me in the back of the head with a soccer ball. I knew I had to keep it together as the tears welled up in my eyes, not from pain but from “what the fuck am I doing here,” and I told them in French that it wasn’t nice to throw a ball at me and then with a smile plastered on my face I cussed them out from fricking Senegal all the way to LA. I do take solace in the fact that I can smile at people and swear at them all day and they have no idea what I’m saying. It’s wonderful stress release.

Now, back at home after class and after talking my usual walk with Tamar I feel better. I know that I get to go back to Thies tomorrow and that demystification is imminent, but what does that mean for me? Does that mean I’m going to fall in love with my site and with PC? I hope so but I doubt it. What to do?

I guess the answer is to watch some Gossip Girl, get some sleep, and keep on keeping on… at least for now.

Miss you guys!